Exhausted Desperation

Poem #18

I wrote this poem after collapsing on my kitchen floor while I was cooking.

This is an invitation to grieve.

Exhausted Desperation

Crumpled on the kitchen floor

Burners on

Food cooking

Unattended 

For the sake of these tears

Tears scattered across my face

And now the floor

As I give in further 

To the weight of this pain 

To the crushing weight

Of part of me

Neglected for years

A part called pain

Many parts

Endless wounds

Countless scars

Crumpled on the kitchen floor again

Because that which cannot be reconciled 

Must be expressed

Today pain is expressing its selves in wails of unabated agony

I need to get better

I have to get better

It hurts too much

Everything hurts

I’m always in pain

I don’t like it here

I don’t want to do this anymore

I need to get better

Please

I’m begging

Please can I get better

I don’t want this anymore

I don’t want to be here anymore

I don’t want to be here

I don’t want to be here

I don’t want to be here

There’s too much to heal

There’s too much pain

It won’t go away

I’ve tried everything

I don’t know what to do

I’m so tired

Please

I need to get better

Help me

Please

I don’t belong here

This place isn’t for me

I’m too much all the time

And I’m never enough

I am torment

I am anguish

Please

I don’t want this anymore